“Terraforming Mars? More like Terrifying Wallets.”
So, you’re telling me the plan is to… fix an entire planet. Ha! I can barely keep my goblin cave from flooding in the rainy season, and these smug human engineers think they can slap a few plants, oceans, and space lasers on Mars and call it a day.
You get your own little corporation, some shiny project cards, and a handful of resources—plants, heat, steel, and so on. Sounds fine until you realize EVERYTHING costs a fortune. Want to build a forest? Pay up. Want an ocean? More coin. Want to shoot down your rival’s space station? Still more coin! My goblin purse weeps by turn two.
And the cards—oh, the cards. You draw a handful each round, but you have to pay to keep them. That’s right—sometimes you’ll pay for the privilege of holding onto a card you can’t even play for ten turns. It’s like buying a goat just to keep it tied in the yard so it can eat your socks.
The game’s all about balancing your economy, timing big projects, and sneakily raising the global parameters—temperature, oxygen, oceans—before your rivals snatch the glory. There’s satisfaction when your city network sprawls across the red dust like a goblin mold, but more often than not, you’ll feel like your neighbor’s engine is running laps while yours is still stuck cranking the starter.
And don’t even get me started on the milestones and awards. You think you’re set to win “Gardener,” then some sneaky Mars-weed farmer plays three greenery tiles in a row and steals it right from under your warty nose.
Grumpy Goblin Verdict:
- + Deliciously deep strategy, heaps of different cards, lots of nasty combos.
- – Takes longer than a goblin family feud.
- – Economy so tight you can hear your credits squeal.
- – The “pay to keep cards” rule feels like a cruel tax on hope.
Rating: 4 out of 5 stolen oxygen tanks. Fun, but I need a nap and a bigger coin pouch after.
Krizbella