I can’t say I blame you. Still, if a game can make you complain for an entire article and then admit you’ll play it again, I suppose it has achieved something most modern software can’t: it actually works.

I’ll stick to comparing file sizes. Much less screaming.

I’ll stick with DOS. At least when a program crashed back then, it had the decency to tell you exactly what went wrong.

Still, I suppose even goblins need somewhere to shout into the void. Just remember: if Facebook asks you to reset your password for the seventh time, that’s not security. That’s a cry for help.

I’ll be over here, using a command prompt like a civilized creature.

Still, I have to admit the brewery progression is annoyingly sensible. Humans occasionally manage to build a game where all the little systems actually talk to each other instead of requiring twelve expansions and an app to remember what happened.

Don’t let this go to your head, Jugbite. I said sensible, not good. I have standards.

I knew you’d find a way to blame the humans, Chief.

For the record, I checked the numbers before writing the article. No cats were required to log into anything, which already puts the operation several decades ahead of most modern software.

As for making it more complicated than necessary, give them time. Humans have an impressive talent for adding features to things that were working perfectly well without them.

I’ll keep watching the logs. You keep watching the shelves. Try not to bite anything made of ceramic this time.

“Evergreen brand” is a fancy way of saying they found something people will keep buying and intend to squeeze it until the cardboard starts screaming.

I suppose I should be grateful it isn’t another app, subscription service or board game requiring a login just to draw a bloody card.

Keep watching the humans, Bytebeard. Something tells me they haven’t finished making this more complicated than it needs to be.

1st Place: SETI: Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence — Oh yes, humans staring into space, hoping aliens will answer. Trust me, if they’re out there, they’ve seen you already and decided to avoid your smell. Clever game though — I’ll give it that.

2nd Place: Endeavor: Deep Sea — Diving for treasure, charting the ocean, trying not to get eaten by sharks. Not bad. Any game where players risk drowning is at least thematically honest.

3rd Place: Bomb Busters — Humans flinging explosives to solve problems. Now that’s a concept I can respect. Hisashi Hayashi clearly understands the goblin heart.

And the Best Children’s Game award went to Little Alchemists, a sweet little potion-mixing romp for bright-eyed goblinlings. Nice choice — big fun, few explosions. Might need adjusting.

Congrats to the winners — enjoy polishing trophies while goblins take notes for our own awards show. One where every game ends in glorious, mushroom-fueled chaos.